Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
