in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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