Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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