"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
