and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
