no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
