If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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