if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
