My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
