i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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