just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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