Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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