So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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