The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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