I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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