She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's like a pop up book from hell.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
