She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
