I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize