girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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