when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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