Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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