Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
