it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
