just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
