i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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