Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
