a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize