My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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