Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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