If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
