she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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