You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
