you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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