My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
