My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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