Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
