Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
