Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
