i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
