he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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