at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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