If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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