Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
