K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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