I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize