Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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