new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
