Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
