so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
