haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
