Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
