dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wish my penis had a tongue
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
