I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
