what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do vagina's smell?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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