NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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