That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
