Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
