woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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