Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
