Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
