i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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