my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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