Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
