Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
pray to the hookup gods
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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