I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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