You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
