I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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