Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
