I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
