i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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