my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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