eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
