we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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