wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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