Me. At least after what I've been through.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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