Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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