this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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