oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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