Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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