lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Randomize
